i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
