You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
