Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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