just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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