I'm going to jail i love you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
