i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
