i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
