I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
