I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize