Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
