Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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