He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
