She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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