Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She bit a glass in half.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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