And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
