worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
