can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
