i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
