Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
bring money and cleavage
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
