meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
God I need to hump something, right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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