My liver just broke up with me...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
