He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
