happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
