Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
