ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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