i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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