i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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