I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
