You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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