That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
