I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
