yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
