This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
