Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
