Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the day after is always just damage control
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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