is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
