It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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