so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
