hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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