Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
