Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
