Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
