she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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