i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
