The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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