Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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