Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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