Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
