Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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