Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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