the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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