Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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